On this episode of Smirk, grab a notepad and settle in…for murder! We’re trying something a little differing this time, as our story reveals itself as a full-fledged murder-mystery. Only after we discuss and dissect our love for the genre will we reveal the killer. Can you guess it before the murderer’s identity is unmasked?
Let us know who you guessed on social media @SmirkPodcast!
Welcome to Smirk. A podcast that covers society and culture through a storytelling lens. Part creative writing, part discussion, and always interesting. Each week our hosts brings a story to the show, a story they wrote themselves, which is immediately followed by discussion on the author’s moral or theme. These stories can cover any topic the host wants to discuss, it can be lighthearted or more serious. No one but the author knows if these tales are truth or fiction, and part of the fun is guessing while you’re listening before the reality is made clear. We want to hear from you! If you want to share YOUR story, join the conversation by writing in to mystory@smirkpodcast.com, and include your moral, or you can let us guess at it. This is the podcast that looks at truth, fiction, and reality. With a Smirk. Don’t forget to subscribe to Smirk and share the show with your friends!
Want to read Aaron’s story “Two Corpses, Everything’s Fine” in full? Think you can identify the moral or theme for this episode? Read it below, and then take a listen to the podcast.
Two Corpses, Everything’s Fine
“I know who the murderer is! They are here, right now, in this room”, Peter exclaimed at a volume suitable enough for a stadium audience.
Peter surveyed the room, locking eyes with each of the known suspects. For the better part of the past hour, Peter had been putting together the clues of the night’s festivities, and especially, how they led to the death of Sheila Brewster.
Sheila laid dead in the upstairs bedroom, strangled from behind by a rope or fabric of some type, and Peter found her shortly after the entirety of their weekend’s guests had erupted in a blowout argument. As the storm raged outside of their remote country home, Peter Brewster, Sheila’s husband and the self-appointed detective of the evening, took it upon himself to solve the crime before the phones came back on – since their cells could not catch a signal – and they could contact the authorities.
With years of Raymond Chandler novels under his belt, Peter felt more than equipped to assess the crime scene and break down the suspects. It was elementary, after all. They had collectively gathered for a weekend off-the-grid – supposedly a few days of drinking and shenanigans amongst friends – only to quickly find themselves immersed in a cat-and-mouse game of murder. After less than an hour of careful contemplation, Peter felt assured that he knew exactly who committed this heinous crime.
Peter stood in the middle of the living room, lifting his finger just as his lips began to part with the answer they were all waiting for, the guilty person’s name, and then…the lights went out!
Pitch black, panic, screams in the dark were heard by everyone. Several sounds amidst heavy breathing preceded a thud, and then an uncomfortable silence swallowed the room.
As the lights came back on, the living room floor was crimson red. At their eyes adjusted, everyone began to understand exactly what they were seeing: Peter lay on the floor face down, his arms bent at the elbow, hands flat, a knife in his back, and obviously dead. Blood was running everywhere. Minutes ticked by as they all stared at each other, desperately attempting to fully comprehend what just happened. And like a human compass, the four suspects stood stoic in their respective directions around Peter’s corpse.
Sally stood North at Peter’s head. She looked nervously around the room, assessing each of the remaining three parties as she tightened her scarf. Sally was a risk assessment consultant, spending most of her time evaluating auto manufacturers and their perceived risk to recall or not recall certain vehicles. She also discovered, this very night, that Sheila had been having a torrid affair with her husband Michael for the past 6 months. After their subsequent near brawl, Sally wanted to leave immediately, but the storm put an unfortunate damper on that possibility.
Michael stood East at Peter’s right elbow. Michael seemed to be suffering from shock, as he blankly stared at Peter’s body and emitted no indication of life other than oddly tucking in his shirt. Michael was a stage actor, renowned for his ability to inhabit any character, and his love of the arts coupled with his penchant for asphyxiation while lovemaking is what led to his connection with Sheila. He thought Sheila would run away with him once they were exposed, as his love for her was strong, but he was a fool. Sheila had no intention of leaving Peter, and she planted her flag earlier that very night, almost spitting in Michael’s face with her assertions that she was not going anywhere. All those words meant nothing, she never loved him, and he finally knew. The secret was out, his wife threatened divorce, and both his mistress and her husband were dead. It was only in this very moment that Michael seemed to finally comprehend his part in the night’s events.
Jacob stood South at Peter’s feet. Jacob calmly slipped his phone back into his pocket, straightened his tie, picked up his drink off the table, smirked, and stared at his fellow suspects with amusement. Jacob had been wildly successful as a tech inventor, only to recently learn that his partner, Peter, had been embezzling from their company for years. Not only that, once Jacob asked about the discrepancies, Peter even slyly threatened to blackmail Jacob over what they referred to as “The Guatemala Incident”. Jacob had only come with on this getaway to finally confront Peter, and now he just stood strong and smug in the knowledge that while he threated to take everything away from Jacob, Peter had finally received his justice. Jacob softly hummed an upbeat tune under his breath as he finished his whiskey with a smile.
Mallory stood West at Peter’s arm. Mallory was a bit of a mousey woman, very quiet in tone and shy in social gatherings. She meekly toyed with the belt of her dress as her eyes darted from person to person. Long an assistant to Peter, Mallory had grown to love and care for her boss in a profoundly unprofessional way, though he never reciprocated. Mallory was the one who discovered the affair between Michael and Sheila, and relayed that to Peter in the first place. What she left out, however, were the multitude of hours she spent surveilling Sheila, hunting for anything that could sever Sheila’s relationship with Peter and bring Mallory closer to the man she loved.
Unfortunately, Sheila figured out Mallory’s intent, and when the blowout began earlier in the evening between the two couples, Sheila ensured Mallory’s humiliation by exposing her obsession in front of everyone. When Peter followed that up with rejection – he still loved Sheila, after all – Mallory knew her plan had fallen apart.
The four remaining players looked at each other closely, each assessing the other, each pondering the events of the evening. Sally, Michael, Jacob, and Mallory all remained steady at their locations, eerily quiet. One of these four was a murderer, a serial killer even at this point. And it was possible they were not quite done. Not yet.
Suddenly, the lights went out. And this time, no screams were heard at all.