Zack tells a tale of a magical world hidden away in the most unlikely of places before diving into an often hilarious discussion on just about everything. This episode, The Curious Case of Cale’s Color Conundrum, wildly veers everywhere from the disappearance of laundry socks, how to properly carry your cash, and the mysterious history of garden gnomes.
Welcome to Smirk. A podcast that covers society and culture through a storytelling lens. Part creative writing, part discussion, and always interesting. Each week our hosts brings a story to the show, a story they wrote themselves, which is immediately followed by discussion on the author’s moral or theme. These stories can cover any topic the host wants to discuss, it can be lighthearted or more serious. No one but the author knows if these tales are truth or fiction, and part of the fun is guessing while you’re listening before the reality is made clear. We want to hear from you! If you want to share YOUR story, join the conversation by writing in to mystory@smirkpodcast.com, and include your moral, or you can let us guess at it. This is the podcast that looks at truth, fiction, and reality. With a Smirk. Don’t forget to subscribe to Smirk and share the show with your friends!
Want to read Zack’s story “The Curious Case of Cale’s Color Conundrum” in full? Think you can identify the moral or theme for this episode? Read it below, and then take a listen to the podcast.
The Curious Case of Cale’s Color Conundrum
Cale hates Tuesdays. Honestly, in his opinion, Tuesdays were quite truthfully the worst that any day of the week could get. Sure, Wednesdays could drag, and Mondays had its own set of downs. But Tuesday? Just dreadful. Because Tuesday was laundry day.
Is there a greater horror in our known universe than that of the laundromat? Strangers all having to wash their most intimate garments side-by-side, the vending machines that only ever seem to steal money, and let’s not get started on those god awful changemaker machines. How is it that every laundromat in America has three out of four change machines out of order? That should be mathematically impossible, yet is true beyond a shadow of a doubt.
As yet another wretched Tuesday came to a close, Cale saw a brand new package waiting on his doorstep. After settling the fruits of his days’ labor (a batch of laundry that could charitably be called “clean enough”), he pulled the massive packages into his home. He couldn’t believe his eyes. It was a new washer and dryer. Cale knew that he would never order such a package. As terrible as Tuesdays were, he could never quite manage to save up the funds required for a washer and dryer. Attached was a note that only read, “From a concerned party.” This was one of those scenarios, Cale decided, where it was best to just whistle to yourself quietly and accept what fate had in store for you.
Over the next week, Cale excitedly set up his new appliances. He did make sure to eye all his close friends at work with knowing suspicion, trying to deduce who in their right mind would procure him such a fanciful gift. But he also wasn’t so foolish as to start asking around. Again, best not to think too hard on free laundering devices.
Then came Tuesday. A day formerly relegated to utter atrocity was now something Cale was looking forward to gleefully. Once the wash cycle on his clothes was complete, he excitedly put them in the dryer. But something stood out as strange. His favorite blue shirt was red, his blue denim jeans were now a dark black, and his socks were as multi-colored as a rainbow.
Obviously distraught and confused, Cale put the clothes to dry and tried another load. Same story. They resemble his favorite pieces of wardrobe, but were surely not it. It was hard to be excited at the anticipation of that comfy fresh laundry feeling when something was obviously so amiss with his new appliance. Cale took a peek inside, and noticed some of the metal at the back of the machine was peeling.
Cale felt that overwhelming urge to peel away at the metal to find the source of his color conundrum. The same sort of itch that needs scratching when your dollar bills are facing different directions. He had to prop himself inside the machine for leverage as he tried peeling away. Instead, after a few frustrating moments, the metal paneling gave away and Cale fell further into the machine.
Much to his complete shock and horror, when he opened his eyes, he saw a forested world. And these little gnome creatures (imagine your average garden gnome) handling all sorts of clothing. As he looked around, he could see several portals in the area, portals that looked an awful lot like the paneling at the back of a washing machine. Cale has just stumbled into a vast gnome-driven clothing prank operation.
His only thought to himself was “So that’s where all the socks go.” before he fainted.